For the first time in a long time i felt my blood pumping. i feel something! after nearly a year of nothing i felt great! after that night i would go out with one friend in particular who always started trouble just so i would end up in a fight.then one night i was stabbed! it was not deep and i could not go to the hospital as my family thought i was a golden boy and i did not want to burst there bubble. i ended up in my friends apartment were i cauterized the stab wound with a red hot knife. i thought i was in heaven. i know that sound strange to most people but it was that night i became a selfharmer. i did not say this is a pretty story! but its my life!i tried lots of ways to self harm but my way was burning. the rush i got from it was so intoxicating it could not be replaced by any other thing in my life. i know your saying now he sounds fucked up and the title said he was a sex addict! were is the sex?well it has been going on while everything else was. every weekend i would. This was the same nurse telling me it was my turn in the shower.“Oh,” I said, “If you get me a towel, I’ll go tend to that right now.”“Well, that’s not the way it works here. I’m required to stay and make sure you are safe.” She sounded like she was tired. I figured she’d probably recited the same regulation quite a few times before.By then though, I was used being basically naked in front of people I didn’t know. After the surgery, they put me in some gauzy kind of briefs that hid nothing yet contained the drainage from the incision. By the third day, the temperature in my room made the regular hospital gown too warm to keep it tied closed. Untying the neck straps and letting it flop down helped, but eventually, I just took it off and used the sheet for a show of some modesty.So it didn’t bother me that this nurse, Josie, would have to sit and watch me shower. To tell the truth, it kind of turned me on. I wasn’t sure how safety capable she’d be though, unless she got in with me. I.
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